Toolkit

We want to empower you, to facilitate the end-user experience so you can move on. To do this you will need a quality tool kit/belt type scenario.

The Web Economy Bullshit Generator Thanks to Rick Teh and Don Callahan.

Michael Churchman sent us a copy of his 'guff bingo' which he plays 'during jargon-filled academic papers'. Michael has also provided a link to an article by Richard Dawkins: 'Postmodernism Disrobed':

'Suppose you are an intellectual impostor with nothing to say, but with strong ambitions to succeed in academic life, collect a coterie of reverent disciples and have students around the world anoint your pages with respectful yellow highlighter. What kind of literary style would you cultivate? Not a lucid one, surely, for clarity would expose your lack of content. '

Thanks to Justin Stewart for an updated Buzzword Bingo

Use Bullshit Bingo (or any list of weasel words) for a competition to see who can get the most "weaselwords" into a sentence that appears to make sense.
1. You must compose a paragraph of not less than three sentences.
2. You can use each word/phrase from the list not more than twice in the paragraph.
3. +5 points for each word/phrase used.
4. -3 points for each non-list word used, except conjunctions do not count.
5. The whole thing must make partly coherent sense.
6. Judge's discretion allowed to award points for originality.

Idea and rules from Jim Moore. The winner where he works:

'I have been out of the loop and want to touch base on whether we are in that best practice ballpark that would empower us to proactively revisit the bottom line of strategic fit, to think outside the box, be result-driven, have a mindset of client focus so at the end of the day our game plan will create synergy between our core competencies and our knowledge base, and will fast track our leverage to create 24/7 value added win-win business solutions that others will benchmark against and that we can later take off-line.'

Want to come up with a phrase like 'Substantially Functional Paradigm Simulation'. Visit BuzzPhraser [thanks to Charles Roth]

Bullfighter is the epoch-defining software that works with Microsoft Word and PowerPoint to help you find and eliminate jargon in your documents. [thanks to David Annetts]

Mission Statement Generator at the Dilbert site Dilbert Creator Fools Executives 'It's a crazy story of weasels (and cartoonists) run amuk: Scott Adams, the famous Dilbert cartoonist, posed as a management consultant and got a room full of managers to produce utter gibberish.' (thanks to Jean McGuire)

Corporate Gibberish Generator Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus. (The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

A test for good writing using babel.com

This was sent in by someone who deals with corporate language all the time. 'Our test for good writing is this: Take the first paragraph, go to www.babelfish.altavista.com and translate it into another language. Then translate it back to English to see if you can understand it.

We use different languages for different types of documents, for example, something for internal consumption only has to stand up to being turned into German and back; whereas a fact sheet for the public has to be turned into Japanese and back.'

For example:

'URS provides multi-disciplinary expertise to assist our clients in achieving sustainable environmental and engineering solutions. We encourage innovation and benchmarking to world's best practice whilst always focussing on developing practical and cost effective outcomes.'

Turn this into Japanese and back to English and it reads:

'URS offers in order to help our customers of environment and the engineering solution where the achievement can support interdisciplinary expert knowledge. As for us world' Between reformation and record are encouraged in the practice whose s is best the focus is always adjusted to the effective result of practical growth and cost.'

Dropping into unconsciousness at jargon-filled meetings?

Download Buzzword Bingo here.

Want to know how easy it is to write managerial language? Don Callahan has kindly sent us a copy of his Ready Reckoner.

Download Ready Reckoner here.

To view these files you may need to install the free Adobe® Reader®. Click on the link below.