Other Language Crimes

Advertising

* The first brush with Smart Technology to inspire patients to become more passionate about oral care. (they have to pick it up first)
* Leverages clinically proven oscillating-rotating technology . (the brush head spins, so it cleans your teeth better)
* An advanced new brush head takes cleaning performance to the next level . (the next level? into your sinuses? into your brain?)
* The combination of innovative technology and design delivers the dramatic results your patients are looking for to keep them motivated . (they still have to pick it up first)
From an advertisement for aelectric toothbrush. Thanks to Jill's dentist friend whose comments are in italics.

'Full colour images and a zoomify feature allows you a close up look...'
From the EziBuy catalogue. Thanks again Charlie.

'Angora blend with velvet trim. A key season look.'
Spotted by Charlie Myres in the 'Ezibuy- autumn preview 06': 'Thank heavens I don't have to worry about the non-key seasons!'

The package does not now contain soap but – A CLEANSING BAR - New name for the soap given in motels (thanks to Peter Hackett)

'While shopping for carpeting every time I asked to see a sample from a different rack, the salesperson would say "that's a different price point". I thought it might have meant “this carpet costs so much more it hurts".' (thanks to Alix Davis)

Cosmeceuticals: 'beauty products like wrinkle creams and hair-growth treatments that have druglike benefits.' From a Newsweek article explaining how vague language can make the FDA's regulatory job 'tricky at times'. (thanks to Argentina Luria who learnt 'that Regenerist is a product, not a professional that studies, deals, researches, applies, or has anything to do with regenerating, whatsoever.')

'...gives the engine impressive power output but keeps it within the packaging envelope of the naturally aspirated unit...'
'Arnar Einarsson airs-down a huge 44-inch tyre…'
Land Rover Owner International magazine. Apr 05 (thanks to Charlie Myres)

'New King Gee workers pant". (with ) "Anti-crack technology- stop the gap.' (thanks to Yvonne Kerklaan)

'Ensure a fulfilling continuity of contribution for valued employees starting a family ... Corporations that respect individual needs, that treat and equip their 'human resources' as resourceful (and trusted) humans, can achieve the healthy work/family balance critical to a continuously healthy balance sheet.' Ad for a Toshiba laptop (thanks to Jill Knight)

'Retroactive Plus Repair Eye Serum With Rejuvi-cell technology plus wrinkle radar'. From an Avon brochure (thanks to Lynda Myres)

'... the needs of skin suffering from these signs of epidermal disorganization. L'Oréal - Passion for Beauty (thanks to Karen Zabawa from Mississauga Canada)

'Limited Lifetime Warranty'
Cell phones on sale at Gabrielle Perreault's local gas station.

'It brings baking into the new millenium.' From the product insert with a new muffin pan from the "The Chef's Toolbox". Thanks to Rosa Gualano who's glad she's not baking in the old millenium.

Seen on the side of a truck in Sydney:' Workplace Refreshment Solutions'....or in other words, water coolers. [thanks to Chris Mitchell]

'This PUMA product is based on a slim fit cut. Today this fit is mainly used to enhance a modern sportswear appeal.' Tag on a pair a trackie daks bought by Chris Naunton.

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Architecture

'The current cultural economy is such that the use and import of the abandoned space as a vibrant and live entity, or further, as a communicative vehicle, does not figure within the cognitive map at large. Jeppe, Thomas. (2004). Vacant writing. Kerb 13, 34-37 [thanks to Shirley Pipitone]

'Landscape architecture, in its highest modality, might be conceived as a series of gestures that seeks to revivify entropic states. In transcending the implicit fixity of images landscape might also decompose the modern conception of time.... An ecological continuum of socially significant signs– gestures– and the interdependence of natural and cultural systems is the foundation of landscape ethics. Intelligible and sensible orders coincide in the symphonic articulation of generative forms– constellations– constructed at the leading edge of discourse, in the semantic wilderness... As signifying chains, the language of built landscape– urban and otherwise– legitimizes the concept that, in the absence of direct knowledge of the world, the human condition is forged in the interstitial zone between what is (wakefulness) and what might be (desire). 'Keeney, G. (2000). On the nature of things: Contemporary American landscape architecture. Birkhäuser, Basel Switzerland: p.95 [thanks again to Shirley Pipitone]

'Exciting homes, designed for an harmonious synergy of cutting edge architecture for those who applaud environmental sustainability in a perfect setting which preserves quality lifestyle as a measurable asset.' From the Noosa lifestyle property review of February 3, 2005 [thanks toBarry Murphy]

'"Bump spaces", whether they be open air relaxing or study areas, internal cafes or utilities zones, encourage contact. N@D is two buildings, each with a hollow core, but it is crosshatched with gantries, bridges and walkways, drawing staff away from the typical insularity of a closed office environment. MLC's North Sydney headquarters, "Campus MLC", is a funky departure from a traditional financial services environment, one of the first colonists of the new terrain of workplaces.'
Australian Financial Review, Oct 2004, describing National Bank and MLC buildings. 'Bump spaces' 'encourage people to meet, to bump into one another; it will increase the chance for that flow of ideas. [Thanks to Kathy Moyo]

'While our electricity asset structures are solid and sound, we have already commenced onsite inspections of all facilities within the region of the earthquake.'
Press Release, Hydro Tasmania, Nov 2004 [thanks to Judith Holmes]

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Arts/culture

'... brand essence - to establish a think-feel-do model for the company.' A theatre company, that is. Thanks to Rachel.

'Artform directors will be expected to understand and communicate with organisations in their artform ...They must certainly understand the objectives and strategies of key organisations, and must consider how they fit in to the broader artform picture... It is proposed that some of these officers will reside in the new Key Organisations section.'

AND

'The skills required to evaluate and effectively support arts organisations differ from those required to manage a reactive grants process for specific Projects. This has been recognised in initiatives to build strategic planning skills both in the Australia Council and in arts companies, and also in dedication of staff in certain artforms to the relationship with triennially-funded organisations.' Australia Council letter

'Louise is a committed arts practitioner.' From the programme of the 31st Annual Knox Art Show [thanks to Bronwyn Gannan]

'THE CONFERENCE. KNOWLEDGE + DIALOGUE + EXCHANGE remapping cultural globalisms from the south is a conference project about the remapping of global orders, histories and cultural production from the perspective of a critical matrix positioned geographically south and outside the dominant hegemonies of European and North American traditions. This conference is positioned at the very edge of the politics of difference.

The postcolonial space is a site where the experimental cultures of the periphery converge to define new modalities for cultural
inclusion. The Conference functions as a set of dialogues between civilisations, in a project that begins with the assumption that the margins are redefining and transforming the worlds of the centre .... The Conference will move beyond the closure and limits of current definitions that continue to divide and separate, whilst engaging with the possibilities of new convergent positions and space of shared cultural experience and knowledge. Global multiculturalism is a key logic of the cultures of the future.' Res Artis Conference, 2004 [Thanks to Barney Langford]

'The Australia Council has to drive improvements in the arts sector, by building the capabilities of artists and arts organisations... to ensure we are a catalyst for greater impact...by building a vital and more viable art sector, and ensuring that all Australians are engaged with and enriched by the arts...' Media Release, Australia Council, Dec 2004

'Strategy
Work with Knowledge Partners, particularly in the museum sector, in research, scholarship, education and exhibition development to create new and better knowledge and practices.
Result
A cost-effective program to produce high quality products achieved through collaborations with Australian and international museums and institutions, and with Knowledge Partners in the precinct.
Enhancement of the museum's current capabilities through partnering Strategy 5, page 17, Powerhouse Museum Strategic Plan 2002-2005 www.powerhousemuseum.com

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Banks

'There are three themes to our service transformation:
To excel in customer service
via
Customer service that is responsive, convenient and reliable
through
Engaged people who are empowered, motivated and skilled to deliver
supported by
Simple processes that are fast, accurate and efficient' Commonwealth Bank of Australia [thanks to Terry Beahan who calls this 'a convoluted statement of the bleedin' obvious'.]

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Conferences

'You'll drill down into how to set up and roll out a performance improvement framework in your organization. ... You'll benchmark how to integrate your disparate systems into one streamlined performance management framework and how to inject greater customer centricity into your service delivery initiatives.'
Performance Improvement Frameworks for Government Service Delivery Conference.

'Working with stakeholders and user-groups to develop the right EDRM strategy and implementation.
Communicating the EDRM message to the rest of the organisation and gaining their buy-in.
Consolidating the core information functions under one dedicated executive position to promote more effective integration, alignment and synergies.
Mitigating the challenges associated with your organisation's "turf" barriers.' From a conference: EDRM Australia 2005, Planning, implementing and maintaining a seamless electronic document and record management strategy [Thanks to Branko Bulovic]

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Entertainment

The Sopranas and closure

Just in case you think there is only closure and an absence of  closure - one can have some closure, and presumably a little closure and a lot of closure.  A glass half full of closure or a glass half empty.
'Teased by late-night screenings in April and tortured by critiques in the international press of the series' mysterious ending (which aired in the US on June 10), Sopranos followers will at last be able to get some closure.'
The Age Green Guide

'It wasn't a moment of violence. It was a moment of clarification.' Russell Crowe answering reports that he supposedly roughed up a British TV executive.

'Make the most of this end of week and let cushion epitomise this month to an exciting end!' In a newsletter from the The Cushion Bar in Coogee, NSW [thanks to Dani Haski]

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Equipment

'Yesterday the Multi-functional Device (MFD) in our office gave the error message "Media Output Facility Error"'. Translation: the computer printer/photocopier was out of paper. [Thanks to Julie Mitchell]

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Greeting Cards

'It is with much regret that circumstances prevent us from acceptance of your kind invitation.' Message on the only two cards Norm Ryder could find in his local newsagent to say they couldn't go to a wedding.

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Health

'unintended benefit leakage '
Health industry speak for fraud by medical practitioners (thanks to Dave Lambert)

deconditioned
Word used to describe ill patients in Victorian hospitals. Our contributor suggest hospital staff now 'service our deconditioned clients'. (Thanks to Gary)

'Mainstreaming, convergence and partnerships: HIV/AIDS being no longer a disease restricted to any specific group or location, this necessitates for synergised and collective action from all stakeholders.'
National AIDS Control Programme India, Phase-III Uttar Pradesh Project Implementation Plan (PIP) 2006-201. Thanks to Damien Wohlfahrt who says: 'With public servants sitting around writing sentences like this, with every weasel word known in HIV programmatic jargon, is it any surprise that India's HIV epidemic continues to explode?'

'Medicare Australia is a dynamic, innovative and customer-focused organisation delivering government health programs to the Australian community.'
From the Medicare website

'A mentoring moment is an intersubjective coming to know in dialogue that engages unitary humans in a transformative process, confirming beliefs and values in creatively imagining and launching projects ... The human-to-human engagement in a mentoring moment is unpredictable and everchanging as value priorities shift with different experiences and new understandings.'
Part of an editorial in the Nursing Science Quarterly. Vol 15 No.2 April 2002, 97. Thanks to Dianne Nielsen who says 'When I read or hear this rubbish from other nurses, I am filled with shame and rage and remember Evelyn Waugh’s review of Stephen Spender’s autobiography: “ to see him fumbling with our rich and delicate language is to experience all the horror of seeing a Sevres vase in the hands of a chimpanzee.”

'We are committed to helping you and your partner achieve a positive birth experience'
Prince of Wales Private Hospital. Presumably while they are engaging in quality improvement exercises.

'Surgeons will be familiar with the audit cycle, although the aim is an audit spiral as a cycle will return the participant to the starting point rather than to a higher level.'
The opening sentence of a 2006 surgical mortality report (thanks Julia

'Employees are reminded that the non-trivial usage of Service resources, for reasons other than conducting Service business, is strictly forbidden ... Any work time remaining after you have completed your position's required tasks should be utilised to assist other Service staff in their roles or to engage in quality improvement exercises.'
CEO of a hospital, concerned about what 'in some cases may amount to theft.' (thanks to Stephen Clifforth)

'In the continuation of this journey, the Conference aim is to address the need to identify what has been the impact of getting research right?'
From a flyer for the 2006 GP (General Practice) & PHC (Primary Health Care) Research Conference, which is entitled "Optimising Impact" (thanks to Mark Veitch)

'Queensland Health has advertised for a Patient Support Officer. Sounds like a counsellor, social worker, advocate, etc. It is in fact a cleaner.' (thanks to Tim Goodwin)

'No one is denying that there have been some bad patient outcomes.'
Leonie Raven, Queensland Department of Health bureaucrat, talking about the death and maiming of patients in Bundaberg Hospital. The Age, July 9

In New Zealand it's called medical misadventure.
'How to make a claim for financial compensation for medical misadventure.' NZ Government. [thanks to David Syes]

'Many of these events have an association with those time periods when a person's immune system is weakened or stressed. If compromised a person's immune system, which under normal circumstances is able to keep the herpes virus particles in check, is overwhelmed and a window of opportunity for cold sore formation is opened. ' What triggers Cold Sores?Animated-Teeth.com

'ADGP, together with the Centre for General Practice Integration Studies (UNSW), PHCRIS and the Department of Health and Ageing, is co-auspicing a chronic disease management forum on April 15th in Sydney.

Following the successful National Practice Capacity Workshop in November 2003, the one-day forum will profile the research outcomes from the Centre for GP Integration Studies/University of Adelaide’s “Practice Capacity for Chronic Disease Care” study and highlight other advances in the field.

The forum will have relevance to divisions’ new funding contracts and performance indicators, and for implementation of the National Chronic Disease Strategy.' From an email invitation from the Australian Divisions of General Practice, February. 05.[thanks to Tracey O'Brien who says 'It’s bad enough that we work in a sector called ‘Health’ which really means sickness, illness and injury but to crown the endemic Orwellian euphemisms with invented horrors is just too much to bear.']

'Scientists say the study shows obese people have low non-exercise activity thermogenesis (NEAT). "[This] means they have a biological need to sit more," James Levine, a Mayo Clinic endocrinologist who led the study, said.' From an ABC news story 'Fidgetting may keep you thin'. [thanks to Marion Diamond]

'To reach a state of complete physical, mental and social wellbeing, an individual or group must be able to identify and realise aspirations, satisfy needs, and change or cope with the environment. Health is, therefore, a resource for everyday life, not the objective of living.' NSW Health Department

'I can guess why no-one has bothered to reply to this request. Its whole purpose is unclear and it appears to be yet another framework for people who already have yet more structures being imposed than they can keep up with.'

'I have great difficulty understanding the jargon that these projects revel in! Is Safety a prevention of adverse outcomes? or an increase in satisfaction and understanding of their condition. Are we empowering the patient to be fully a partner in their health care?' Comments on the National Patient Safety Education Framework-An initiative of the Australian Council for Safety and Quality in Health Care.

'In response to requests by service providers, the team has been supporting organizations to sit down with service users, families, boards and staff to start looking at the task ahead. For most organizations, the best place to start is to get stakeholders together and revisit the organizations mission and core values and realign on purpose and direction. Having achieved this, the next step can be to look at the standards and identify examples of practice for each, then start to identify policies and procedures that need to be in place (or updated) to support these good practices. This exercise not only gets everyone on board from the beginning (an important part of meeting the standards in itself) but it creates a plan for action.'
Queensland Branch, ACROD, National Industry Association for Disability Services

'Incorporating a top-down and a bottom-up approach to planning, Strategic Directions for Health 1998-2003 represented a shared commitment to continuously improve and build on quality health care and service for the people of NSW.'
NSW Health Department

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Law

'25. SOCOG takes over the Club. As a result of a mediation on 30 July 1999, it was agreed by AOC, SOCOG, TOC and Synthesis that SOCOG should take over responsibility for running the Club. This was announced in a press release on 3 August 1999. Although it contained some terminological inexactitudes, such as saying that the purpose of the transfer was to achieve "synergistic benefits", it did truthfully say that SOCOG was to "assume sole control of the Olympic Club".' Zhu v The Treasurer of the State of New South Wales [2004], 17 November 2004, High Court of Australia [ thanks to Bruce Donald]

'In the event of the sale of Your property, You fully disclose the terms of this agreement to the purchaser(s) and ensure that they agree to be bound by its terms through their continuing to abide by them and subject to clause 8, not notifying Sydney Water that they no longer wish this agreement to remain in force.' Sydney Water Customer Agreement. [thanks to Janice McLeod]

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Lifestyle

'This facility is undergoing repairs, but we are building a new exciting restroom that will be ready later this year."
Sign on a public toilet inside a shopping mall in Mooloolaba, Queensland's Sunshine Coast. Thanks to J im McIntyre.

‘Bathrooms and more specifically ensuites are becoming a lifestyle destination, taking their cues from the spa resort ideal.'
Home Essentials – author unknown – The Sunday Age , 2 July.

'Lifelounge restructured and teamed up with telecommunications companies and production houses to provide mobile and television content, focusing on the five "lifestyle pillars" - music, sport, fashion, travel and entertainment - and weaving corporate brands into the products.' The Age, July 2005 Business section report on Lifelounge.com

The full lifestyle gamut!
Real estate board, Fitzroy Melbourne

'You don't need many stores, what you need is a large sophisticated store that gives them a lifestyle emotion.
Retail is changing and we are no longer competing against other stores, but other lifestyle choices such as new cars, boob jobs, jewellery holidays and jet skis. The reason we are doing the large stores is to offer the client the same emotion he is getting from his lifestyle choices in our stores.' Theo Poulakis, joint MD of retailer Harrolds, as quoted in Inside Retailing, April 4 2005.[thanks to Warwick Dennett]

'Clancy James: Your Lifestyle Butcher.' Seen on the side of a butcher's truck in South Brisbane, February 2005 [thanks to Courtenay Rule who asks 'What is this supposed to mean? Is this someone who will butcher your lifestyle?']

'Mr. C, who runs his own technology business, sought that multidimensional relationship where you connect on all levels, and you are stronger as a team than individually.'
A quote from Hatchmatchdispatch in the Globe and Mail, describing how Mr C met his soul mate (thanks to Melissa Campbell who says, 'Let’s hope the “merger” lasts till death does them part!')

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Magazines

'...the Powerhouse is a place where the indomitable human spirit to improve his or her lot is exalted on a lay alter.'
'Powerline' Powerhouse Museum members magazine, Summer 04/05, p.17

'Australia is really good at leveraging all its ethnic communities to create an Australian way of life. I think there is a fantastic can-do spirit and a very healthy level of the entrepreneurial.'
Tyler Brulee, Jul/Aug 2004 Belle [thanks to Melanie Cariss]

' …QM2 has achieved the status of a destinational icon’
Ad in ABC Limelight magazine, Dec 04 [thanks to Roger Jones]

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Religion

Unitarian Universalist?

'Considering Theodore Roosevelt's original meaning for "weasel" of sucking the meaning out of a word, has WeaselWords.com noticed perhaps the most aggressively meaning-sucked term in modern English: Unitarian Universalist?

Not only is the organization that holds the trademark for that dual term no longer either Unitarian or Universalist in principle (since the UUA abandoned any assertion about a Supreme Being or an afterlife) but it fiercely restricts the use of "Unitarian Universalist" from other groups that actually promote the meaning of those two words.

Not only sucking the meaning out, but refusing to allow anyone else to put the meaning back in!' John Nelson Leith, Atlanta, GA

'A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another ' (John 13:34-35). A relationship commandment according to the clergyman conducting a funeral (thanks to anonymous)

'a vehicle for synergy in providing collaboration....' Brisbane Anglican Diocese Parish Ministry Commission Questionnaire (thanks to Gill Clifford)

'To reach and influence the world by building a large Bible-based church, changing mindsets and empowering people to lead and impact in every sphere of life.' Hillsong Church Mission Statement

'Ablaze!™ began as a vision of LCMS World Mission to involve every member of the LCMS, its partner church bodies, and partner mission agencies in one focused and concentrated effort to share the Good News of Jesus Christ with those who do not yet know Him.

Additionally, all our Lutheran resources would be strategically coordinated, so that more can be accomplished in mission to the glory and honor of our one, true God. It was the desire of LCMS World Mission to give this vision away—to ignite a spark that would become a mission movement of individuals, groups, congregations, etc., all committed to the goal of reaching 100 million unreached and uncommitted people with the Gospel.' The Lutheran Church Missouri Synod (anonymous)

'The Vatican issued a short bulletin saying the Pope's condition was "registering a positive evolution".' Sydney Morning Herald, Feb 2005 [thanks to Jy Millis]

'May the Lord be with us all as we move forward.' George Cardinal Pell, Archbishop of Sydney, Advent Pastoral Letter

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Sport and leisure

'Adventure Victoria 's launch of their brand marketing suite. …one of Victorian tourism industry's most exciting 2008 events.'

WE THE TEAM AT THE CHINGGIS KHAAN HOTEL – A BUSINESS AND TRAVEL DESTINATION – IS COMMITTEED TO DELIGHTING OUR GUESTS ALL THE TIME, BY PROVIDING A PLEASANT AND MEMORABLE EXPERIENCE, WE WILL DO THIS BY:

CONTINUOUSLY IMPROVING OUR SERVICES AND FACILITIES FOCUSSING EXCELLENCE CONTINUOUSLY DEVELOPING OUR TEAM MEMBERS AND BY TAKING CARE OF THE WELFARE OF OUR TEAM USING ENVIRONMENT FRIENDLY PRACTICES BY SYNERGISING OUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH OUR BUINESS PARTNERS.

AND WITH PRIDE AND OWNERSHIP WE WILL ACHIEVE OUR GOALS
A hotel in Ulaanbataar. Thanks to Jane.

'We have spent a lot of time developing this, talking to a lot of different people who are well versed in leadership structures, across the business world and other areas, to come up with a structure and program.
We believe this is a part of an action plan for change to move forward and be even better.
The key thing is showing strong leadership to achieve what we want to on and off the field, and those players have to be more committed to that than anyone else to lead the way.
The leadership group will be enforcing that, and living the values that are put in place.'
West Coast Eagles Coach, John Worsfold and Vice Captain Dean Cox applying business principles to drug use, brawling and other 'hi jinks' at the club.

'He is only 26 years old and in the demographic of being in the prime of his career.' New Essendon coach, Matthew Knights, on Adam Ramanauskas. Reported on ABC Online. Thanks John

'Lance's knee has been causing issues'.  Denis Pagan, Carlton Football Club coach.

' The 2004 season was an all-time best result for the AFL clubs in terms of injury recurrence ... In terms of games missed due to injury, the hamstring injury remains the number one injury in our sport, surpassing both groin injuries and knee ACL injuries.'
Dr John Orchard, co-author of AFL annual injury survey. ABC Sport

'It never crossed my mind that we would not be re-engaging her because of her age. I can't be more emphatic about that.'
ABC's Head of Sport on the sacking of a TV commentator, Nine MSN
Thanks to Sam Collyer who says: 'One can only assume that to be dis-engaging is to be in the process of being sacked, to re-engage is to have one's contract renewed and to engage is, as Mr Watson so accurately pointed out, to be employed.'

'arm torso junction' On an exercise poster at Adrian Jones's local gym: 'It talked about strengthening the "arm torso junction" colloquially known as the shoulder.'

'We will leave no stone unturned in terms of making sure that we can get back into a winning vein.'
Australian Rugby Union executive Gary Flowers, commenting on the recent poor performance of the Wallabies ... Sydney Morning Herald's Rugby Heaven website. (Thanks to Paul Wardill )

'Empowering people to execute remarkable recoveries that ensure total guest satisfaction.' One of the top ten values from a Legion and Community club members handbook. (thanks to Noel Burchmore.)

'The strategy and plan underpinning TVN is the right course to take for Victorian race clubs and the wider thoroughbred racing industry ... It will showcase the excitement of the sport and the feats of its participants, while significantly growing the industry’s revenue base ... RVL has offered support to TVN’s production of enhanced vision supporting regional tourism, race club activities and events and enhanced form information ...' From a press release abouy ThoroughVisioN (TVN) from Racing Victoria Ltd chief executive Robert Nason [Thanks to Andrew McDonald]

'The GRAVITY SYSTEM is a revolutionary turn key business paradigm you use to consistently draw new interest and attract greater profits ... Encircling the GRAVITY SYSTEM are the four disciplines that drive profits your way -- groups strength classes, Pilates, personal training, and post rehab -- all on the GTS machine, your premium space utilizer.' Coming to a gym near you. Click here to find out more. [thanks to Holly Shorland]

'Instead of the old departments and compartments, we are going for a customer-facing member services team and we needed technology to allow us to cope with the calls coming in.' Peter Oliver, Assistant Chief Commissioner of Communications and Development at Scouts Australia NSW, explaining how they would improve their services using IT developments Sydney Morning Herald [thanks toGraham Giblin who asks 'as opposed to what?']

"The objective of the review is to assist Swimming New Zealand examine and creatively challenge themselves to arrive at a collectively owned vision for the sport and a framework ensuring their successful operation and growth to 2008 and beyond...Through the review it is expected also that areas of best practice and areas for possible enhancement will be identified to support the implementation and successful achievement of current and future strategies, in essence providing a "Blueprint" for the future of swimming in New Zealand."
Swimming New Zealand - 'A Blue Print for the Future', Revitalisation Report, July 2004

'Collingwood's core business will always be football, but we are also a major events and entertainment company, and as such we require cutting edge communications technology to support our state of the art sporting facilities.'
Eddie McGuire, Telstra ad.

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Space

'NASA has a Mate-Demate Device (MDD) that is used to attach and detatch the Shuttle to a Boeing 747. Maybe after mating NASA scientists think that demating will stop them getting pregnant.' [thanks to Etienne Cherdlu]

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War/weapons/terrorism

'Shortening the list of politically sensitive individuals by means other than detention.'
Assassination of political enemies, as described by the South African State Security Council in the Apartheid era.

'The phrase "war on terror" may have reached it use-by-date. The Australian government has quietly started substituting "the war on terror" with descriptions such as "the long struggle".'
Radio Australia

'But the problem with that planning is that it had been done in the vertical stovepipe of that agency and the horizontal connection of those plans did not occur.'
Gen. Jay Garner to the British Government Future of Iraq Commission. Guardian June 18

'Guantanamo is not a prison. The official term is "detention facility". Although the two most recently built complexes, Camps Five and Six, were modelled on prisons in Indiana and Michigan, it is not acceptable to use the word "prison" at Gitmo.
Guantanamo has no prisoners, only "enemies". As in "unlawful enemy combatants" or "detained enemy combatants".
"Today, it is not about guilt or innocence. It's about unlawful enemy combatants," Rear Admiral Harry Harris, the commanding officer of Guantanamo...'
Karen Greenberg, executive director of the Centre on Law and Security, New York University School of Law, and editor of The Torture Debate in America. From an article in The Age

There's no reason today you cannot fight in essence immaculate wars like Afghanistan.'
Harlan Ullman who devised the theory of shock and awe: from‘In wartime “Shock and Awe” leaves little doubt' by Tom Drury, St Petersburg Times , 2003

'Exaggerated promises about capabilities ­ made by contractors, lobbyists and bedazzled generals ­ delude presidents and prime ministers into believing that war can be swift and immaculate, with minimal friendly or even enemy casualties.'
Ralph Peters, ‘The myth of immaculate warfare', USA Today, September 2006 (thanks to Vinod Moonesinghe for both of these quotes).

According to official records, Army specialist Alyssa Peterson,died on 15 September 2003, from a 'non-hostile weapons discharge'. 'But newly uncovered military documents reveal Peterson actually shot herself with her service rifle. The documents also show her suicide came just two weeks after she refused to take part in further interrogations of Iraqi prisoners and had asked to be reassigned.'
From Democracy Now

'to ensure the target set was serviced appropriately'
U.S. military spokesman on the killing of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi and why they dropped a second bomb. Reported in the Sydney Morning Herald, June (thanks to Noel Burchmore)

'an act of asymmetrical warfare'
How Rear Admiral Harry Harris, Guantanamo Bay camp commander, described the suicides of three prisoners. Sydney Morning Herald, 12 June 2006. (thanks to Noel Burchmore)

'Obviously, the other five in the building did not, but he did for some reason. And we do not know ... as to whether or not it was because he might have been right outside (the targeted building) or whatever. We just don't have that granularity.'
Maj. Gen. Bill Caldwell on why Zarqawi survived a bomb attack. Yahoo News 9 June (Thanks to Alasdair Baird)

'Sir, I believe that we do have the possibility of that devolving to a civil war, but that does not have to be a fact. I believe that U.S. Armed Forces today can continue to do what we're doing, which is to help provide enough security inside of Iraq for the Iraqi government to provide governance and economic opportunity for their citizens.
Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, as heard by our contributor Alasdair Baird who says it's: 'along the lines of continuous improvement, rather than describe the situation in Iraq, or anywhere else for that matter, as out of control the words "continue to do what we're doing" are used.

'There is a realization of capability in other parts of the services that we need to leverage.'
U.S. Navy Rear Admiral David Gove talking about using Air Force and Navy personnel on the ground in Iraq, 7 May, USA Today (thanks to Jim Connelly)

Euphemism for a nuclear warhead.
'I will personally be very surprised if we can get the advantages we want without redesigning the physics package.'
Head of the Nuclear National Security Administration (NNSA), Linton Brookes quoted in an article by George Monbiot in the The Guardian online, 24 January (thanks to Duncan)

'Before the fighting there was a huge glamour gap in the Pentagon between people working on so-called Phase III - the 'kinetic' stage, the currently fashionable term for what used to be called 'combat' - and those consigned to thinking about Phase IV, postwar reconstruction.' James Fallows, 'Why Iraq Has No Army', Atlantic Monthly Dec. 2005 Kinetic stage - combat. Firing, shooting, bombing, battling,
annihilating, death or glory, kill or be killed stage. Shock and Awe stage. Attriting stage

Servicing the target. US Army term for killing the enemy. (thanks to Frank)

'"[In] the next 20 years, we will commit over half of our budget to joint enablers, while spending less on conventional combat forces and infrastructure," according to the QDR briefing paper. In addition, "We will continue the integration of active, guard and reserve combat effectiveness and peacetime efficiency."
Roughly, that means USAF will embrace network-centric operations and focus on developing communications and data links that pull information out of stovepipe systems, convert it to a common language and make it available to those with access to the common network.' David A. Fulghum, Aviation Week & Space Technology, USA, February 2005 [thanks to Daniel Fowler]

'In 2003 there were 350 "self-harm" incidents, including 120 "hanging gestures".' Lieutenant Colonel Leon Sumpter, army spokesman Lt Col Sumpter speaking to the press about attempted suicides at Guantanamo detention center. BBC News

'The US defense industry is being completely transformed. A strong focus on Warfighters and First Responders is putting renewed emphasis on Operations Concepts (Ops Cons) and Concepts of Operations (CONOPS). This course provides a solid background in the differences between Ops Cons and CONOPS. Attendees will learn the 5 levels of CONOPS, how to write workable CONOPS and when to use them, what the threats to CONOPS are and how to mitigate them. The instructor describes in detail each key CONOPS component that operational users and senior government and industry executives now expect to see. Attendees will evaluate real-world examples of good and bad CONOPS from the USAF, US Navy and US Army and will decompose several representative CONOPS into their key components. Attendees will learn how Operational Concepts and JOpsCs are related to CONOPS and how CONOPS can support DOD instruction 5000.2, the DODAF and ACTDs. Several class exercises each day drive home key lessons and techniques.' Writing solid CONOPS for US Government programs and projects course delivered by AOC.

'... the CIA is flying captured terrorist suspects from one country to another for detention and interrogation - an acitivity it calls "rendition".' Reported by Dana Priest from The Washington Post, appearing in The Sydney Morning Herald, 29 December 2004, page 13 [thanks to Susan Smith]

'And advanced forms of biological warfare that can "target" specific genotypes may transform biological warfare from the realm of terror to a politically useful tool.' From 'Rebuilding America's Defenses', a report by The Project for the New American Century, September 2000 [thanks to Chris Jones]

'It's not torture. Pyramids can be used as a control technique... Don't cheerleaders all over America form pyramids six to eight times a year.' Guy Womack, defence lawyer for a US soldier court martialed in the Abu Ghraib detainee abuse scandal, SBS World News

'...the international community is helping Iraq move forward on a free and peaceful and democratic future... And we are here to to partner with the Iraqi people as they work to realize a better future...' White House Press Secretary, Scott McClellan when asked by Helen Thomas of the Boston Channel why we are killing people in Iraq.

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Weather

'This Flood Watch is a heads-up for possible future flooding and is NOT a Flood Warning'
.Australian Government Bureau of Meteorology 20 December 2007

overbank events...
Heard in a radio interview about the Murray/Darling river system. The expert was talking about floods. Thanks to Ian Cossor

'One of the issues with weather modification is to look at, if you undertake some modifications, whether those modifications that you tried to impose upon the weather actually had an affect or whether the effects would have happened anyway. So this has been a problem plaguing weather modification.'
Bureau of Meteorology research scientist Tom Keenan, ABC News

'In Adelaide, more thunderstorms were recorded than normal, ' he said. 'In fact we had four events of thunderstorms compared to our normal one event in January.' Bureau of Meteorology spokesperson, ABC February 2005.

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