Job Ads/HR (previous quotes now in a PDF file)

Duties
General Responsibilities
1) Work as a team member to fulfil requests of stakeholders and clients.
2) Adhere to privacy requirements in accordance with government legislation and policy.
3) Monitor, review and recommend improvements to procedures and processes

Specific Tasks
1) Analyse the request, select and research the relevant information source and prepare the appropriate and consistent response for review and release by the Enquiries Team Leader as required.
2) Exercise sound judgement pertaining to the interpretation of guidelines, regulations, instructions and procedures relating to the release of information.
3) Produce accurate work to a high quality that aims to meet stakeholder expectations in a timely manner.
4) Develop a sound knowledge and understanding of internal resources. Advertisment for Enquiries Team Officer at the Australian Department of Defence. Thanks to Charlie Sanders who says ' don't think I can possibly apply for this role, as I still have no bloody idea what it is!'

'Proactively influences and participates in strategic decision-making on issues when engaging with senior managers and staff to establish long term strategies to determine the future direction for the organisation and their area of accountability.' From an Australian government department's Human Resourses Management team. Thanks to Sandra who says: ' Aside from being so peppered with corporatese it is almost contrived , that second clause is annoyingly tautological. Strategy, after all,  IS a long term direction.'

Knowledge Broker
'In this role you will be responsible for a range of activities including identifying and engaging target audiences, building and maintaining productive relationships with various stakeholders, and providing strategic advice on embedding knowledge and adoption principles and activities in all stages of research.' Thanks to Roy Stall who spotted this job advertisement in Land and Water Australia.

The purpose of the Solution Architect role is to lead strategic design, scoping activities and support the implementation of information solutions that meet organisational plans, needs, and functions, and assure their alignment to enterprise goals and the overall IS architecture. The role has primary responsibility for maintaining and deploying the Enterprise Architecture, with particular emphasis on Technology Infrastructure and the Security Framework.' A position advertised with one of the New Zealand District Health Boards. Thanks to Bill.

'The Information Assurance Architecture Manager reports to the Infrastructure Architecture Manager and will lead a small section taking on architectural and coordination responsibility in the area of Information Assurance and Technical Security.'
A job advertisement at the UK Department of International Development. Thanks to Hal Jacob.

Manages and contributes to the human, physical and financial resources of the area to ensure that appropriate operational standards are achieved and when/where possible, continuously improved.' Job advertisement on the Fire & Emergency Services Authority website. Thanks to Charlie Myres who comments: 'It appears that having now discovered that "continuous improvement" is impossible and therefore very weasely, the authors have decided to quantify the impossible, by making "continously" to sometimes mean not continuous!'

What does this person do?

'The Design Leverage Director will be an important, contributing member of the senior management team and will have accountability for leading the integration of design thinking across the organisation, aligning design principles with business strategies that enhance operational performance and fostering a collaborative, innovative culture that generates creative solutions ... In essence, the Director will champion design as an agent for change, innovation and collaboration.' Thanks to Bill Parker who told us about this government job ad spotted by Christian Kerr from Crikey. You can read the rest of the stodge here: Corporate Project Office, Australian Customs Office

Bill sought clarification and here it is:

'Dear Bill, Thank you for your email. I appreciate that our advertisement for this particular role was ambiguous. Essentially, this is a new role for Customs at the Senior Executive level and is a role that will require the incumbent to use design theory and design thinking as an agent for organisational and cultural change and will champion best practice project management processes and procedures in a complex environment.
We are looking for someone with a proven record in leading strategic change management and project management initiatives in large, complex organisations, coupled with outstanding relationship management skills. Tertiary qualifications in creative design, that is graphic, industrial, architecture or the like, are also highly desirable.'
Bill has also had a bit of fun with weasel words. Read 'Are you with me yet?' on our Now We Understand page.

Continuous Improvement Facilitator
BHP Job ad spotted by Charlie who says 'The description was so full of weasel words it was hard to understand what the role involved - other than the practically impossible of course!'

'... you will govern the strategic planning of the 'F Block' project and be responsible for driving the commercial deliverables of the project development phase via management and co-ordination of a multi-disciplinary team.'
Job ad for 'East Browse Business Opportunity Manager Senior Leadership Role' at Shell. Ad was headed 'Ideas people wanted.' Thanks Graham.

'The product is a high-capacity platform that achieves linear scalability, extreme fault tolerance and executes across commodity infrastructure.'
Job ad spotted by Geoff Holmes who says ' I have worked in IT for 25 years and have no idea what it means.'

'Your mandate is to leverage your clear, insightful understanding of operational performance into the implementation of practical initiatives that improve business outcomes.'
Job ad at Chandler Macleod (thanks to Bryn Town)

Senior Functional Analyst
Job title sent in by Michael Clarebrough. 

'Inclusion Support Facilitator'
A job ad spotted by Charlie Myres who has no idea what the job is - neither do we.

'Does the candidate have proficiency in managing negative stakeholders impacting her own workplace situation ?'
Thanks to Hugh Fraser who was asked this question by someone at Ernst & Young doing a reference check.
Hugh says: ' I think what was asked is how she got along with people who didn't like her, or were there any people that didn't like her.  Alas, I was unable to provide a meaningful data rich interviewee response behaviour to this'.

EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT TO THE EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, OFFICE OF THE CHIEF EXECUTIVE
Job title spied by Nicola Stratford in the South Australian Public Notices

'Reporting to the Director, Human Capital, you will leverage your background in selection and workforce planning to translate our business strategy into our people strategy to ensure that we have the 'A players' in the right roles with the right skills at the right time.'
Job ad: Manager, Human Capital at CareerBeacon.com.Thanks to Mike Dominic who says 'This is a job opportunity that seems to just scream, "We don't know what we're doing!  Fleece us!"'. Read more of Mike's comments on his blog.

Sobeys' new Human Capital Department has been created to design, develop, enhance and execute talent acquisitions strategies that facilitate and support a high performance culture.
See above.

'My client is a global player in their field and as such they are truly looking for the best of the best caliber candidates for this role and their company. This role involves conducting research on key verticals and identifying and contacting key players within that particular space.'
Job ad for a 'Cool and Funky Conference Producer / People Seeker', Time Recruitment (thanks to anonymous)

To see a flow chart gone mad - view the 2nd page of a job ad from the University of Melbourne here.

Social Role Valorization (SRV) is a high-level service and relationship theory based on empirical knowledge for the design and rendering of both formal and informal services and relationships to any kind of people with any kind of need or condition, but especially those who are devalued or at risk there of. '
Thanks to Dianne who came across SRV in a job description. Wondering what it meant she surfed the net and found this explanation. Dianne adds 'Try reading this without drawing breath.'

'There will be an update on the resourcing and commitment to career development and the development stage of career development. To re-position the evolution of the career development framework and the provision of a dedicated resource, the process of research to deliver a comprehensive program with comprehensive tools. This being based on stakeholder input and feedback from senior managers and staff (past focus groups) and prioritising needs of the business and available resources (funds).' Sensis 'Career Development PC Scoping Document'. March 2003 (anonymous contribution)

'Excellent interpersonal skills, including a sense of humility.' IT Director qualification'. From F Adams who says 'IT Director comes with pre-installed humility - no need to be humiliated on this job, it's already been done!!!!'

(previous quotes now in a PDF file)

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