Corporations (previous quotes now in a PDF file)

'Visibility: event signage solutions'

'Those businesses operating grain haulage on rail are just so handicapped by the poor state of the underwheel infrastructure that it's a non profit making operation for them.'
Geoff Nalder from the Victorian Farmers Federation talking about roads. ABC rural radio. Thanks to Mike Fuery

'No ongoing fees is used by Citibank in their brochure for a low-interest rate line of credit offer called 'Readycredit'..  This unscrupulous bank did not charge any ongoing fees as advertised, just one-off fees for whatever amount they chose and whenever they chose.' From an anoymous contributor.

'There is no certainty of outcomes, but if one follows criteria that have a statistically defined probabity of occuring, then when those criteria mesh to create an alert they learn to trust the alert knowing that if they are right, they will enjoy the benefits and if they are wrong they will cut their losses when their exit criteria is alerted.'
From Sharesender, an investment company's media
release'

'We are forming this fund to help grow the Facebook application ecosystem.'
Facebook statement regarding its $10 million of grants to anyone interested in building their business on Facebook.
Both quotes reported in The Age ('Crimes of Jargon'). Thanks Tony

'...it has been through a rescheduling process from the previously planned point in time to a later point in time...'
Heard in a meeting - thanks Robert

"Communication at Work: The good, the bad and the downright ugly of AOL's recent layoff announcement."
Robert J. Holland Richmond.com October 30, 2007
Robert Holland writes about a leaked AOL email to staff.

'The e-mail is full of clichés and double-speak. When will corporate executives learn that memos, speeches and other communications filled with jargon don't make them sound smart? "…We fundamentally shifted our business model …," "… We refocused the business around three core areas…," "Realignment of our costs against these three businesses …" These phrases are so overused that employees' eyes glaze over when reading them...

The e-mail is full of euphemisms designed to avoid the word "layoff." "Everyone impacted by this reduction deserves our thanks and respect for their contributions to the company," the memo reads. "This realignment will allow us to increase investment in high-growth areas of the company." ...

Some of the AOL memo is just downright ugly : Falco tries to use a layoff announcement to talk about the company's bright future. What an insult to the employees losing their jobs! He explains that the 20 percent workforce reduction enables growth in other parts of the company – "As an example, we added hundreds of people this year through acquisitions." Falco also looks forward to "a bright future as a company if we can execute on this vision." '
Robert J. Holland Richmond.com

Two weasel words in one job title.
'Estate agents from Run Property management are called relationship executives. Thanks to David in Sydney who comments: 'The "relationships" are between landlords and tenants - not usually that strong a bond. You would think they worked for a dating service.'

'Our core competencies distinguish the company from other service providers and include ... building and maintaining added value partnerships that deliver consistent service quality. These core competencies deliver value for all our stakeholders and enable the company to delight customers.' GSL Australia. Thanks Marc.

'It (this document) covers the components of the current solution at (company). It covers the components of the solution that are necessary to be understood in order to address the scope of work that has been identified.' Thanks Greg Donoghue

'Please cc Promotions Group on a go forward.Thx, Laura' In an email received by M Rowe.

'Boss:  We're getting new business cards printed for you. You'll no longer be an 'account manager'.
Me:  What will I be?
Boss:  A consultant.
Me:  How does my job change?
Boss:  It doesn't. Do exactly whatt you've been doing but charge an extra 15% as a consultancy fee.'
A conversation Joe Hall recently had at work.

'As  XYZ Inc. grows and becomes a leader in the industry, the need for communications becomes even greater. Our customers view our professionalism and ability to deliver, among other things, on how we well communicate our status and commitments to them ... Let's move forward and demonstrate to our customers that we are talented professionals and have pride in what we do. Remember COMMUNICATE.'
Thanks to anonymous

'She is a proven chief executive whose values are closely aligned to the Westpac culture.'
Westpac announces new CEO, Gail from St George. St George announces it doesn't matter to them:
'Importantly we are fortunate to have a talented and experienced executive team at St George that will continue to execute our organic strategy.'
St George Chairman John Thame

Help us to understand Telstra
'Dragons, submarines and savages'

On the recent ABC's Four Corners show 'Tough Calls' – an examination of the new work practices at Telstra and the effect on employees - John Rolland, Executive Director, Telstra Customer Sales & Services, provided viewers with some dazzling examples of the ways corporate language is used to hide and bend the truth, that lying is essential to managerial change, and turning managers like himself into unblinking robots means turning them first into linguistic idiots.

There were too many weasel words from the show to put here so we've attached them as a PDF file. If you would like to comment, please join our forum.

(previous quotes now in a PDF file)

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