Corporations (previous quotes now in a PDF file)

'Join Rudy Leung, Senior Director of SOA/BPM Products, as he discusses the innovations in Oracle's new BPM Suite 11 g that define the next generation of process management. Discover how you can leverage this complete, open, and integrated BPM solution that delivers:

• Management of all types of processes, including system, human, document, and decision-centric
• A simplified path to achieving greater business visibility, agility, and efficiency
• A unified process foundation that simplifies process management with a unified process engine and pre-integration of process subsystems
• User-centric design that simplifies process modeling and interaction
• Social BPM interaction that provides social computing in the context of BPM to simplify and add richness to collaboration

Spotlight on Innovation: A Unified, Complete and Social Business Process Management Solution - a free webcast. Thanks to Kerryn Ellis who says: 'Read the five dot points in the middle and let me know if you can comprehend anything they are on about!' Anyone?

'As part of Sigma's commitment to continuous improvement, the on going development of our Seven Hills Distribution Centre has taken the next step, with the introduction of technology focused on delivering market leading service ... will allow Sigma to focus on continuous improvement initiatives of key customer performance drivers.' Letter from Sigma. Thanks to John Glen.

'Receive your monthly accounts via e-mail. delivery is fast, environmentally friendly, and a smart choice moving forward.' Media Monitors' email signature. Thanks to Andrew.

'Total Management Planning (TMP) traditionally an asset management-based process supported by a hierarchy of interrelated documents, was utilised by ... due to its fundamentally participatory nature. The TMP- inspired planning process utilised strategic planning processes which focus on situational contexts (to determine needs resources goals, service levels and key performance indicators) and incorporated regulatory, customer, environmental and funding needs in a reflective and reflexive manner ( it should be reviewed once every 2 years) for a holistic and sustainable approach to organisational management.'

'Did you know Coles have some of the most exciting category and customer insights opportunities in the country? At Coles, our customers come first always! Customer knowledge and category insights are the forefront of everything we do. From marketing communications to housebrand development, our customer insights team provides Coles with the building blocks for our organisational strategies and are critical to the success of our business turnaround ... we have opportunities ... for highly experienced individuals with either strong research or insights backgrounds.' Job ad sent in by Lesley Hall who asks: 'What can it mean, Customer Manipulation Insights?'

'Foxconn's continuous striving to improve environmental conditions worldwide includes her effort in supporting its customers and suppliers through services, products, trainings and new technologies that minimize environmental impact. Foxconnians' pride in their highest ethical standards and strive for social harmony and equalilty to make the world a better place for all.' From the website of the Chinese factory that makes Apple ipads and where there has been a spate of suicides.

'Please Note: to make this rating more useful and helpful information, please rate only the software you ever experience, for the mind mapping program for Mac which you never use please do not rate it.' From a software sales site. Thanks to Bill Parker.

'We are currently undergoing a restructure of our Consumer Electronics business which has been brought about by the need to align our business with corporate objectives moving forward.' National Sales Manager, Bose Australia. Thanks to Tim.

'Australian Accounting Review's editorial policy stipulates that published articles should be highly readable and easily accessible to non-academics ... Research Assessment by Government: Stakeholder Effects.This themed issue ... features five articles that explore various stakeholder outcomes associated with the introduction of government-initiated research assessment exercises'. Thanks to John Ford.

'Through appropriate leadership, the project team and related stakeholders must continually strive for teamwork and synergy to enable all workers to perform with unrivalled success despite the traditional silos between disciplines or cultural diversities and the interactions between technology, society and business.' Integration engineering in a 'mega project', UMTSA, Press release issued by IT Public Relations, Johannesburg, 12 May 2010

'ACMA boss Chris Chapman is very fond of two things: jargon and the media regulator's new slogan or, as he called it, an "external facing strapline". 'These days the Australian Communications and Media Authority mantra is "communicating, facilitating, regulating", but perhaps Chapman should add fine dining to the list. Last week, ACMA hosted the RadComms spectrum management conference in Melbourne ... Chapman also hosted a 24-person dinner at Neil Perry's pricey Rockpool Bar & Grill at Crown Casino the night before ... Our sources tell us the bill topped $3000 ... A spokesman said the dinner was "to thank presenters who put significant thought and professional expertise into their presentations".' The Australian, 10 May 2010. Thanks to Mac Hoban.

'As previously announced, part of Vecima's growth strategy involves maximizing and monetizing the value of our non-core assets, such as some real estate and wireless spectrum holdings.'

'Last year I attended financial risk management strategy workshop for the mining (underground) and energy exploration sectors and I learned how unforeseen circumstances can impact heavily on financial resources and business plans. Apparently it's really important to consider the hidden costs of extraction and removal of non-productive resources and compare them to extraction and removal of productive resources costs. Non productive resources are the dead bodies of mining and exploration  workers and mangled machinery. Productive resources are live and uninjured workers and machinery in working order. I also learned that the removal of  non-productive resources has less financial impact than the removal of a productive resource. This is because the operational practices and procedures will differ considerably and they do not require high levels of time or resource allocation. I'm presuming all of the above means that it's quicker, cheaper and easier to remove a dead body and smashed machinery. Cheers and keep up the good work, Julie.

'Taking steps toward reducing our water footprint to zero. Becoming a positive water balance company.' Pepsico. Thanks to Charlie Myres.

'In the years before its collapse, Lehman used a small company - its "alter ego", in the words of a former Lehman trader - to shift investments off its books.' The secret life of Lehman Brothers, The Age, 14 April, 2010.

"Babcock initially predicted it could make £27m-worth of 'synergy savings' if the companies merged - financial jargon for axing overlapping jobs." Babcock mulls more job cuts as takeover looms, 23 March 2010, www.portsmouth.co.uk

'...and the absence of a perspective of profitability in current market circumstances.' Postbank Ireland Chairman, Thierry Schuman, explaining why they were not accepting new customers and would wind down by the end of the year. Taipei Times today, 28 Feb 2010. Thanks to Barrie Gorton

'We utilise spare capacity in our existing processing engines enabling rapid implementation ... We aggregate further addressable spend to maximise the gain-share against the procurement spend baselines ... Xchanging is a fast growing, pure-play global business processor, providing complex industry specific processing services to blue chip customers.' Thanks to Michael Vagg

'Siemens is actively working in collaboration with the Metro team; the company reiterates that there are no problems with the brake system on the Siemens trains. There are many reasons why a train may have braking issues, including track adhesion, human machine interface, equipment malfunction, train speed and weather conditions ... The Chief Executive of Metro acknowledges that this is a complete system topic and that there are many factors involved in the current investigation ... Siemens is committed to safety; we continue to test our trains and our regular service checks prove that Siemens trains are functioning normally. We will continue to work closely with Metro to make sure that all Siemens trains are operational.' Paul Bennett, Vice President, Mobility, Siemens Ltd response regarding recent train reports, Melbourne, 25 January 2010. Thanks to Simon Longstaff.

'Result Packaging P/L...Enhancing Customer Engagement' Thanks to Peter who says, 'I was propped behind this ute at the lights and almost bit my steering wheel off in frustration when I read the advertising logo blurb.

'As part of Energy Australia's Customer Supply Installation Safety Plan and the Bushfire Risk Management Plan, Energy Australia has now implemented a significant risk identification and management strategy on our electrical infrastructure...' From an Energy Australia's inspection report. Thanks to Isabel.

'IMB Implements New Customer Contact Centre for Enhanced Multi-Media Services for Members Integrated Lake Corporation solution based on Concerto Software’s EnsemblePro™ deployed for rewarding, long-lasting customer relationships...Lake has delivered an open, scalable and flexible unified solution that has increased inbound and outbound call productivity.' IMB Bank media release. Thanks to Peter Harris.

'DAVIDSON: Goldman Sachs, JPMorgan Chase, hedge funds - they're all borrowing money. But when you borrow millions or even billions of dollars at a time, you don't call it, well, borrowing money.

BLUMBERG: They call it accessing the credit market, or issuing commercial paper, or opening a liquidity facility, or financing their ongoing operations.' Financial Jargon Boiled Down: No One Is Lending by Adam Davidson and Alex Blumberg, 11 December NPR.

'Its privileged position, characterized by the proximity with other manufacturers and major brands, allows for the creation of huge synergies, the circulation of skills, the achievement of economies of scale. This virtuous circle has driven the constant evolution of Cleaf, both in terms of technology and design ... the ideal partner for a proactive, synergic and total design of the final product.' Thanks to Steve Dillon who points out that this all for a company that produces laminex.

'goodwill credit'. Offer made by Telstra to George O'Farrell

'We wish to confirm the above numbered proposal has been cancelled due to non-receipt of requirements.' Letter from insurance company sent to David Forbes. David wrote back asking what they meant but never did get a reply.

'Moving forward we will be trying to leverage our synergies.' Heard at the end of a conference call by Vincent who says: 'I don't know what that means.'

'For only $139.00 incl. gst* you can get your own cost effective vehicle advertising with that additional point-of-difference.' An offer made to this website via email with the subject: Vehicle Branding.

'1.1 MISSION AND VISION
Orion Expedition Cruises will become the first choice in the expedition cruise market by delivering consistent quality, service and value over a diverse range of unique cruise experiences. This will be accomplished by building from our existing reputation and our future marketing strategies...
1.5 Our commitment to our employees: it is not just a job to work for Orion expedition cruises. It is a unique and rewarding experience from which all crew will benefit.' Thanks to Alasdair

'Today we're introducing Raindrop, an exploration in messaging innovation being led by the team responsible for Thunderbird, to explore new ways to use Open Web technologies to create useful, compelling messaging experiences.' Thanks to Andrew Green.

Let us serve you on another checkout Coles supermarket sign noticed by Kim Best.

'Disney last month agreed to refund the purchase price to all who bought the videos since 2004. It made no mention of the legal action, describing the refunds as an enhanced consumer satisfaction guarantee.' Julie Szego in The Age and Sydney Morning Herald in an article about Baby Einstein DVDs. Thanks to Roger Jones.

'Your information will not be shared outside logical HP unless you give your consent to have the option of whether or not HP may communicate directly with you.' From Paul O'Loughlin who says: 'Not sure if it's weasely or just crap English'.

'Have you populated your online profile?' Choice website that will 'offer members an easier and more engaging online experience.'

IBM Rational Collaborative Application Lifestyle Management Workshop Sign in the foyer of Liz Bower's building.

'Harmony Gold Mining Company Limited (Harmony) regretfully announces one of its employees at its Bambanani mine was fatally injured as a result of a localised fall of ground gravity incident . Harmony's Chief Executive Officer, Graham Briggs says, "We express our sincere condolences to the family of the deceased. Harmony has placed significant emphasis on safety and Bambanani has had an excellent safety record prior to this unfortunate incident. We will continue with our effective behavior-based safety programmes at all our operations, to ensure that a culture and mindset of safety is maintained throughout the company.' Thanks to John Henry

'MAp Airports says it has completed the internalisation of its management, with several senior management changes.' Sydney Morning Herald, 16 Oct. Thanks to John Stanbridge.

'Add a little more cheer this season. Win one of 20 experiences valued at $5000 each ... You are receiving this multi-purpose communication ...' Thanks to David who says: 'I've tried opening a tin with the [AMEX] communication, and sanding down a quarrelsome window opening with it, but to no avail. It isn't as multi purpose as I was led to believe'.

An email sent to a 'team' of two people:

'I would like to move forward and review our areas of responsibility and ultimately agree our collective mandate. I should raise a cautionary note - from experience this type of re-structure tends to evolve: it will be a evolution rather than a revolution. That said we need to agree the macro drivers and get on with it. In the past the approach I have adopted can be summarised into three inter-linked processes:
Review and agree strategy
Align structure
Engage people
I would like to use this type of process as we move forward. The attached scorecard is probably a little naive but should provide a framework to move forward. I would like to integrate this into a process that delivers a shared agreement on roles and responsibilities, a review of position descriptions and the delivery of individual development plans. There is a mixture of team and individual elements.' The sender says 'At this point a revolution doesn't seem like such a bad idea given the weasel words being spouted from this particular source on a daily basis.'

'Zurich HelpPoint captures our focus on customers and delivers when it matters ... Zurich HelpPoint is the collective term for the many guidance, solution and service offerings we deliver that capture our commitment to putting customers at the heart of all we do.' Zurich Financial Services Thanks to anonymous.

'Regarding the fire alarms. The event has been investigated. All stand down. I repeat, the event has been investigated. All stand down.' The ABC's bulding intercom (Utimo NSW) after the dust storm on 23 September. Thanks to Richard.

'We educate consumers about CSR by leveraging beautiful user interfaces and avoiding industry jargon.' Goodness500 Ranks Companies on CSR by Michael Mossoba.

'In every market, we look to optimize the right moment to market, the right channel optimization, and we are constantly reevaluating this. The first time you do anything you have a lot of learnings to go on.' Nokia Chief Executive Olli-Pekka Kallasvuo, Forbes.com

'Monetisation will have to happen, because without monetisation of the online sites that the newspaper industries have operated very successfully, we can't afford to keep the big newsroom staffs we have.' Fairfax chief executive Brian McCarthy speaking to The Sunday Age about charging for online news. Thanks to Terry Nalder.

'The approach of offering unique, exclusive experiences has the most potential to enhance the sense of intimacy in the relationship and give people reasons to stay in that relationship with that brand that are not just about offering things cheaper, but are about offering them a better experience. It should feel like something that you've earned. It should feel like recognition, not a gift — that's a key emotional distinction.' FutureBrand managing director Tim Riches describing Myer One loyalty card. Chief executive Bernie Brookes describes it this way:
'You give them a glass of champagne and they'll buy an extra dress.' The Age, 11 May.

'This Bus shelter is privately owned. any person graffiting it will be prosecuted.' On a bus stop in Subiaco, WA. Thanks to Helen Shannon.

'... a discussion home for the printing and graphic communications industry to provide a vendor-agnostic space for industry-focused exchange.' Thanks to anonymous who works at the discussion home of Fuji Xerox and says: 'I am ashamed and need a shower'.

'Winston Sammut, of Maxim Asset Management, said: "Westfield has been the icon of the sector and I guess it is moving in the right direction in terms of coming into line with what is happening with valuations around the world."  The Age reported the icon was coming into line in terms of 'spiralling consumer confidence and the implosion of the global economy'.  Age 28 Jan.

'Yarra Trams chief executive Dennis Cliche said although his company had increased profits, it had also poured money back into the system.' Cuts on track as trams profit, The Melbourne Age.

Hamburgers reconfigured? 
'Beef patties and hamburgers are two different products, so it's not valid to compare their fat contents'. Coles spokesman after a study found their cheap Smart Buy hamburger patties had 20 per cent more saturated fat in them than their dearer You'll Love Coles beef patties, though both are labelled with a tick very like the Heart Foundation's logo.  But Coles conceded that the level of trans fat in some of its oils was too high and promised to remove the "cholesterol free" logo and reconfigure the products over the next few months. Well, perhaps not so much the products as the description of them - the imagery. The spokeman denied that the tick was ever intended to suggest their fatty foods were approved by the Heart Foundation, but announced that "...under the new Coles management team our house-brand imagery is being progressively redesigned, and the tick will not be part of the new packaging." The Melbourne Age 17 January 2009

‘At USAID, partnerships are the way to do business. Partnerships enhance efficiency and effectiveness, rationalize division of labour and maximize synergy', said Robin Mardeusz from the United States Agency for International Development (USAID). He highlighted one of the major benefits of the partnerships in providing multi-action innovative solutions.'

'Buy and sell livestock on a buy and sell basis.' Heard by Hal on 'Rural Focus', Radio West.

We look forward to working in partnership with you to provide high quality child care solutions as part of an innovative and retention strategy. ABC Learning Centres Corporate Care.

Peter Lloyd has been sentenced to 10 months in prison in Singapore today on drug-related charges, and as such the ABC's employment relationship with Peter has come to an end. This is due to the fact that Peter is unavailable to work.' 
Trans.  Peter Lloyd has been sent to prison in Singapore and so the ABC has sacked him.

'...they were all sold by the end of the financial year, going forward. Heard by Hal Jacob on "Rural Focus" on Radio West, 24 November 2008. Hal says: ' This phrase makes no sense!  We are not so much going forward here, but going back, hence the word "were".

'The most important thing to do is to make sure that we have a plan for going forward.' The Citigroup Inc Chief Executive, Vikram Pandit. At least he knows there's no use having a plan for the past - see above quote.

Let me say it again: we have architected our business for a high speed broadband world ...
Sol Trujillo, Telstra Investor Day, 6 November 2008 ...'This is not old Telstra any more, it is the new Telstra, highly competitive, highly focussed and very results-driven in terms of what we do ... You're going to hear us talk a little bit and emphasise a little bit today about partnerships because we're doing many innovative things, we're executing many things on our own, but there's also partnerships in the marketplace that are now becoming important, and that are going to be now important in terms of further differentiation, further innovation in terms of how I see this business evolving over the next several years ... You're going to see us continue to leverage the existing assets that we have ... we will let you know if anything changes in terms of how we think about our company going forward ... So you've gotten a view about our strategy, you've got a view from Greg about what we've been doing as an integrated company building this, and then you've heard from John in terms of where we're at, in terms of our plans financially, the view going forward in terms of costs takeout ... You saw the value of an architecture of a strategy that's associated with the front-end, the back-end, and the middle parts of the business.'

Making Strategy: Leveraging Organisational Competencies

• A means of undertaking strategy-making that recognises the time pressures of organisations, as well the need to attend to key stakeholders
• Ways of unlocking potentially under-leveraged competencies and resources, ensuring that they are protected and sustained
• Building a robust and sustainable business model that can be considered, if necessary, against different external forces
  Australian Institute of Management, Western Australia. Thanks to Brian Turner.

'Ford in Australia will 'right-size our business' by 'staff-balancing changes' according to chief executive Marin Burela. ' We would be taking proactive steps in terms of reducing our throughput through our build operations ... In line with the production down-balance we have also taken the opportunity to take a good look strategically where we are, what we're doing and how do we move forward. The Age, 16 October 2008. Thanks to Vanessa.

'800 jobs will be lost as Telstra streamlines its back-end office functions.' Thanks to Mark.

'As I said we're studying that now but we believe that the personnel implications of the down balance will be in the region of 300 to 350 employees.' Sinead McAlary, Ford Australia spokeswoman on ABC radio: 'Ford's plan to cut up to 350 jobs.' Thanks to George O'Farrell.

Enhancements to the performance appraisal scheme

'After a period of review with a reference group of willing volunteers from across the different divisions, a number of important enhancements have been made to the Performance Appraisal process having regard to the feedback received from programs following initial roll out of the scheme in August last year.
The essential features of the scheme are:
· To provide a platform for building the capability of our workforce
- To increase the 'depth of talent' and 'bench strength' of capability for current and emerging workforce requirements
- To enhance work and business performance and productivity by developing skills and behaviours that are essential for current and future success
· To support a performance management culture based on sound workplace relationships that are sustained through routine feedback and communications that embrace both informal, timely conversations and more formal dialogue and annual appraisal. Human Resources manager in a staff e-newsletter. Thanks Craig.

'I think that this is a deal that is value-accretive for both sets of shareholders. After all, both sets of shareholders have to vote on this transaction and we think that given these synergies, both sets of shareholders can have a value-accretive deal here. '
Marius Kloppers, BHP-Billiton CEO, ABC AM, 20 August 2008. Thanks to Dominic Nagle

'Confirming our discussion of earlier today. I am in agreeance with your proposal, and am willing to support the successful conclusion of these works. To this end your team will assume responsibility for scheduling future works to suit production priorities and efficient utilisation of your available resources.' Thanks to Sean who says he thinks the email he received means: ' OK, go ahead'.

'Dear Ms. Chipman,
I note your dissatisfaction and understand your frustration in regard to the issue raised.
Ms. Chipman, I have escalated your concerns to the relevant department for a feedback. Please be assured that you will be contacted at the soonest possible time when a feedback is received.
Your patience and understanding in this matter is highly appreciated.' From Elizabeth Chipman who is confused by this response from Nokia and still without a mobile phone.

'Hence a key threshold activity of the project was to determine what functionality suite would be appropriate to the needs of Victoria and could also be financially justified.' Phil Perry, Principal of Impaq Consulting writing about the rollout in Victoria of 'advanced' electricity meters in the June edition of Metering International. Thanks to Damien Tennent.

'Provide high value management to the Lean Six Sigma Team by developing and maintaining systems and driving Portfolio and Black Belt deliverables necessary to ensure appropriate governance ...Manage and coordinate strategic and tactical processes for the deployment of Lean Six Sigma throughout Asset Management Group to achieve deliverables within the Program ... Optimise the deployment of Lean Six Sigma resources at all levels by effectively managing the mentoring process and its outcomes for Black Belts and Green Belts'
Job advertisement for Program Coordinator Lean Six Sigma at Railcorp NSW. Thanks to Paul Berwick who now understands why the trains don't run on time.

GPS technology is a powerful mechanism that enables our customers to drive new levels of efficiency for their fleets. This partnership provides us with the required, long-term platform to greatly expand our fleet management services, We are confident that our strategic alliance with Navman Wireless will bring superior location-based services to our valued customers ...' Paul Hilder, General Manager and President, Donlen Fleet Management Services. Geoconnexion

We are going to square that circle
Bob Zeitlhofer heard a senior executive level officer repeatedly use this phrase in a meeting. He reckons it means solving problems and should go with another favourite: Square that circle going forward

'Sometimes trends can hide pretty well, and one of Google Analytics' jobs is to make the most actionable trends as apparent as possible so you can surface them to your colleagues and management (and get a promotion). And we realize that most management reporting is done in weekly and monthly time buckets.' Thanks to Jeremy Press

United Mission Statement
'To provide outstanding customer service and products, in which creates United's point of difference to continute with innovative developments of our fuel and retail offer.'
Spotted at Marc's local petrol station.

'Visibility: event signage solutions'

'Those businesses operating grain haulage on rail are just so handicapped by the poor state of the underwheel infrastructure that it's a non profit making operation for them.'
Geoff Nalder from the Victorian Farmers Federation talking about roads. ABC rural radio. Thanks to Mike Fuery

'No ongoing fees is used by Citibank in their brochure for a low-interest rate line of credit offer called 'Readycredit'..  This unscrupulous bank did not charge any ongoing fees as advertised, just one-off fees for whatever amount they chose and whenever they chose.' From an anoymous contributor.

'There is no certainty of outcomes, but if one follows criteria that have a statistically defined probabity of occuring, then when those criteria mesh to create an alert they learn to trust the alert knowing that if they are right, they will enjoy the benefits and if they are wrong they will cut their losses when their exit criteria is alerted.'
From Sharesender, an investment company's media release'

'We are forming this fund to help grow the Facebook application ecosystem.'
Facebook statement regarding its $10 million of grants to anyone interested in building their business on Facebook.
Both quotes reported in The Age ('Crimes of Jargon'). Thanks Tony

'...it has been through a rescheduling process from the previously planned point in time to a later point in time...'
Heard in a meeting - thanks Robert

"Communication at Work: The good, the bad and the downright ugly of AOL's recent layoff announcement."
Robert J. Holland Richmond.com October 30, 2007
Robert Holland writes about a leaked AOL email to staff.

'The e-mail is full of clichés and double-speak. When will corporate executives learn that memos, speeches and other communications filled with jargon don't make them sound smart? "…We fundamentally shifted our business model …," "… We refocused the business around three core areas…," "Realignment of our costs against these three businesses …" These phrases are so overused that employees' eyes glaze over when reading them...

The e-mail is full of euphemisms designed to avoid the word "layoff." "Everyone impacted by this reduction deserves our thanks and respect for their contributions to the company," the memo reads. "This realignment will allow us to increase investment in high-growth areas of the company." ...

Some of the AOL memo is just downright ugly : Falco tries to use a layoff announcement to talk about the company's bright future. What an insult to the employees losing their jobs! He explains that the 20 percent workforce reduction enables growth in other parts of the company – "As an example, we added hundreds of people this year through acquisitions." Falco also looks forward to "a bright future as a company if we can execute on this vision." '
Robert J. Holland Richmond.com

Two weasel words in one job title.
'Estate agents from Run Property management are called relationship executives. Thanks to David in Sydney who comments: 'The "relationships" are between landlords and tenants - not usually that strong a bond. You would think they worked for a dating service.'

'Our core competencies distinguish the company from other service providers and include ... building and maintaining added value partnerships that deliver consistent service quality. These core competencies deliver value for all our stakeholders and enable the company to delight customers.' GSL Australia. Thanks Marc.

'It (this document) covers the components of the current solution at (company). It covers the components of the solution that are necessary to be understood in order to address the scope of work that has been identified.' Thanks Greg Donoghue

'Please cc Promotions Group on a go forward.Thx, Laura' In an email received by M Rowe.

'Boss:  We're getting new business cards printed for you. You'll no longer be an 'account manager'.
Me:  What will I be?
Boss:  A consultant.
Me:  How does my job change?
Boss:  It doesn't. Do exactly whatt you've been doing but charge an extra 15% as a consultancy fee.'
A conversation Joe Hall recently had at work.

'As  XYZ Inc. grows and becomes a leader in the industry, the need for communications becomes even greater. Our customers view our professionalism and ability to deliver, among other things, on how we well communicate our status and commitments to them ... Let's move forward and demonstrate to our customers that we are talented professionals and have pride in what we do. Remember COMMUNICATE.'
Thanks to anonymous

'She is a proven chief executive whose values are closely aligned to the Westpac culture.'
Westpac announces new CEO, Gail from St George. St George announces it doesn't matter to them:
'Importantly we are fortunate to have a talented and experienced executive team at St George that will continue to execute our organic strategy.'
St George Chairman John Thame

Help us to understand Telstra
'Dragons, submarines and savages'

On the recent ABC's Four Corners show 'Tough Calls' – an examination of the new work practices at Telstra and the effect on employees - John Rolland, Executive Director, Telstra Customer Sales & Services, provided viewers with some dazzling examples of the ways corporate language is used to hide and bend the truth, that lying is essential to managerial change, and turning managers like himself into unblinking robots means turning them first into linguistic idiots.

There were too many weasel words from the show to put here so we've attached them as a PDF file. If you would like to comment, please join our forum.

(previous quotes now in a PDF file)

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