Government (previous quotes now in a PDF file)

'The new catalogue is part of an enhanced platform to access the Library's unrivalled digital resources in this collection. With this robust platform, we will be able to increase the rate of digitisation of material and records...' State Library of New South Wales

'Establish Bendigo as a world class Innovative and Thinking city.' Job advertisment for Executive Officer for Bendigo Business Council.

Department of Culture and the Arts, Western Australia

'The aim of the Umbrella Policy is to define the key goals and objectives that drive the arts and cultural development activity of the Directorate ... Positioning of the Umbrella Policy Framework (vision, outcomes etc. in a flow chart) Thanks to anonymous who suggests how to position the umbrella:
' Deploy the umbrella. Holding the handle securely lift the umbrella above your head. Position in order to form a shield between yourself and rain. Please note that umbrellas should be used as a temporary shelter only from inclement weather.'

'Please see attached Memo about a standardisation program for the Western Pathology Cluster. I am sending this out to signal a key strategic intent and to initiate the process, but the outcomes will depend on the hard work that is to follow, the leadership of those who will drive the process and all those who engage in journey (sic) .'
Memo sent from the NSW Health Western Pathology cluster. Thanks to anonymous and sympathy for having to read this rubbish

10 - Remain accountable to ultimate beneficiaries ... Where governance is unsatisfactory it is even more important to anchor development firmly in stakeholder participation and to maintain pressure points for an inclusive accountability system.
From '10 Default Principles for Capacity Development', a PNG document. Thanks to Peter Laing.

At the end of the day, I guess, over the years, and it's a question of the capacity of the network previously, we've tried to look after the interests of our customers generally, both governments and the train operators of the day, have added more express running to the network, added more services where there was capacity, to the extent now that, really, to enable us to go on into the future and for the enabling projects that will give us more capacity short of the major investments to occur, we have to take some hard decisions.'
Connex CEO Bruce Hughes talking about improvements to the Melbourne metropolitan rail timetable. Premier of Victoria website, April 2008

'Ideas that were sharp as crystal were reduced to verbal mush: calls to lift teachers' pay, for example, became "focus on the connections between quality teaching and productivity".'
Tim Colebatch from The Age reporting on the 2020 summit in Canberra.

High Performance Living

'High Performance Living is about understanding all your own triggers, and knowing which button to press at what time to optimise personal performance. Learn more about this process that scientifically increases performance by removing performance inhibitors and creating specific individual solutions. These solutions are then implemented to enhance performance on individual, management and organisational levels, as well as at home.'
From a local governement email which lists training programs for staff, circulated by the Human Resources team.

'The implementation plan provides detailed strategies to improve opportunities for the Tasmanian Vegetable Industry.  To ensure implentation of the strategy, and at the request of the Tasmanian Farmers and Graziers Association, I have appointed a new implementation committee.  It will drive the implementation of the proposed strategies.'
David Llewellyn, Tasmanian Primary Industries Minister (thanks Sadie).

'Your comments have been noted and will be included in the Plan of Management Process.'
Pittwater Council's reply to Alison's 88 page submission to the Council's 'Ocean Beaches Plan of Management: Avalon Beach'.

'SOURCING–BUILDING TALENT PIPELINES AND SUPPLY CHAINS' - A PEOPLE STRATEGY PROJECT
'... the department has embarked on a number of key projects that collectively are aimed at tackling these issues. More specifically, one of the projects relates to assessing and subsequently implementing several candidate sourcing strategies. The project is referred to as ‘Sourcing – Building talent pipelines and supply chains' and the first phase involves the engagement of an external provider who will assist the department in researching and identifying best practice sourcing strategies that are appropriate and adaptable for the Department of Human Services. The department recognises the need to be more proactive, innovative and less administrative in the way it attracts recruits and retains employees across all levels and role types.'
An email to government employees. Thanks to anonymous.

'You have to realise, you are a third tier stakeholder.'
Translation: your opinion doesn't count.

'A council representative is on scene and we've called for a structural engineer to expertise as to what may happen to this building. '
Superintendent Craig Brierley, from the Fire Brigade,on cracks in a building next to the construction site for the new Surry Hills Community Centre. ABC News. Thanks to Peter M who comments:
'And presumably when he/she's done expertising, someone will commence expeditioning a solution to the issue.'

‘… learning-based change for environmental sustainability [which] is the development of knowledge, skills, values, attitudes and aspirations leading to changed behaviour in support of environment sustainability.'
The Learning to Live Sustainability of the State Government of Victoria.

‘The [government agency] auspiced the development of the Statement of Strategic Intent which outlines the strategic directions for [the agency] for the period 2006-09 and which has informed the development of the Business Plan.'
Thanks to Lee Corbett

'The reason we're doing this is to enable us to have time to try to source where this cryptosporidium came from to ensure that this is an event, rather than something which might be ongoing.'
NSW Water Minister, Phil Koperberg, following the detection of low levels of a diarrhoea-causing parasite in Sydney's catchment, as reported on ABC Online. Thanks to John who came up with a job description for a Cryptosporidium Event Manager:
'The successful candidate will be able to demonstrate a customer oriented approach, combined with outstanding communication skills and a desire to achieve enhanced outcomes in relation to the management of water borne parasitic control issues.'

Sydney Declaration: weasels with words
Compiled by Antoun Issa from Crikey:
Antoun has compare the Declaration before and after APEC.

Before: Agree to implement national policies and measures consistent with improved energy efficiency.
After: Encourage all APEC economies to set individual goals and action plans for improving energy efficiency.

Before: Endorse the Global Initiative on Forests and Climate.
After: Welcome the Global Initiative on Forests and Climate.
Deleted: Agree on the importance of sustainable forest management, stopping illegal logging and the benefit of forests as carbon reservoirs. Thanks to Kim.

'You might think there are no similarities between the Mohamed Haneef saga and Lewis Carroll's nonsensical poem Jabberwocky. But there are. Both are spectacularly absurd.
Jabberwocky, written as part of Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, is seven rhyming verses of glorious nonsense, made up of meaningless words stitched together to create a poem that tells the tale of the slaying of the Jabberwock. Bizarre as it may seem, Immigration Minister Kevin Andrews, in trying to nail Haneef, has tried to slay his own Jabberwock.'
'Andrews goes galumphing off after prey' by Sushi Das, The Age

'This session will focus on how companies have optimized their procurement processes to build better partnerships with internal customers. We will examine methodologies to:
· Align sourcing strategy and business priorities
· Target early procurement involvement
· Remove roadblocks to business unit participation in leveraged spend agreements.'
From the Good Procurment Guide Launch & Creating Value from Internal Business Alignment Workshop - run by the Government Reform Commission.

'IBSA is embarking on a twofold project with  XXXX Management which, in collaboration with CITT, will run in parallel with the current ICT02 Project and fall under the umbrella of the existing NPRG.'
Correspondence from IBSA to state training authorities. Thanks Jennifer.

'Partnering for Profit: Creating Value from Internal Business Alignment
Recently, organizations have focused more intently on locking the next iteration of procurement value, beyond the “low-hanging” fruit. Best-in-class organizations are migrating towards a more strategic mindset by emphasizing deep partnerships with internal customers and suppliers.'
From the Good Procurment Guide Launch & Creating Value from Internal Business Alignment Workshop - run by the Government Reform Commission. It was attached to an email addressed to:
Dear Stakeholder Engagement Committee (SEC) Members. (The Commission Chair is Wayne Goss former Queensland Premier and current Chairman of Deloitte Australia). Thanks to anonymous.

'Living its charter to build capability and professionalism within the business community, IBSA actively engages in sharp-focused consultation with industry to gather market intelligence on trends and skill needs enabling it to develop training products for the vocational education and training (VET) sector designed to foster innovation in thinking and practice.'
IBSA (Innovation and Business Skills Australia)

'The OPP is committed to the delivery of the following key business priorities:
Drive positive change and service delivery improvements within the Criminal Justice System
Develop with our people a culture of engagement, commitment and ongoing professional development in order to deliver quality outcomes...'
Part of the job description for Principal Solicitor, Office of Public Prosecutions, Victorian Govt - thanks to Rachel.

'The Levers of Change team will deliver strategies that enable a customer focused culture by addressing organisational issues identified in the culture survey results as requiring priority attention (to address gaps or pursue opportunities for excellence) and designing leadership development and support strategies.'
Definition of a project within the 'Organisational Change Program'. Found on the Child Support Agency Intranet (thanks to Anonymous)

'The result appears to be a fragmented and uncoordinated approach that would efficiently be implemented by the heterodyning of these areas' outputs through a strategic planning document.'
From a classified document - thanks to anonymous.

(previous quotes now in a PDF file)

Back to the top